Isolation and Forgetfulness

I have had a hard time being in the word over the last month due to the affects of a concussion. Between the headaches, dizziness, lack of focus and inability to read for any length of time, my time in the word has suffered. Due to the dizziness I was “stuck” at home unable to drive. I don’t think “man” was meant to be so alone, apart from community. Sounds and light bothered me so I didn’t go to church. I didn’t go anywhere.

courtesy of freedigitalphoto.net

courtesy of freedigitalphoto.net

For awhile the truth that I know was enough, but then the lies came. I didn’t call anyone or ask if they could come over for coffee and keep me company or help me speak truth. I didn’t share my need. I told myself even if I did call they were too busy anyway. Besides I wasn’t so sure I had the kind of friends that would drop everything just because I was feeling discouraged. It is true that my circle of close friends is very small, but the lie is that they wouldn’t be there if I needed them.

If I would have just asked them I am pretty sure they would be there for me. But then I hate that I need anyone. The lie I live with is that to need others, shows weakness. To need others only brings disappointment. Besides what if I did reach out and ask for help and they rejected me! Rejection, abandoned, forgotten and alone are my deepest fears. They are the weak spots in my heart. They are the areas that God continually, with grace and mercy, must remind me of truth.

So, last night as I drove to Church for the first time in a month I cried out to God begging to let me hear from Him. I cried out letting Him know I needed Him. I have been feeling frustrated, discouraged and very isolated. I felt alone and in so many ways I had lost my way out of the lies that my enemy was bombarding me with.

At that moment this thought came to my mind, “If it weren’t for Your Word Lord I would perish.” During the ministry of music I kept crying out to hear from God. Pastor Mathew brought a powerful message on repentance. He reminded me of my need to live daily with an attitude of repentance before a holy God. I can not do this life apart from Him. I am sinful, filled with weaknesses and fear. I need my Savior!

Then during the last worship song God spoke another reminder into my heart. We sang Word of God Speak by Mercy Me and the last part of the song goes like this, “All that I need is to be with You and in the quiet hear Your voice. Word of God speak would you pour down like rain washing my eyes to see your majesty. To be still and know that You’re in this place Please let me stay and rest in Your holiness.”

After finishing the song the words I heard earlier came to mind, ‘If it weren’t for Your Word Lord I would perish.” His Word is my life line, it’s the air I breathe. It is my comfort.

In my isolation I had forgotten that He is enough. His word is enough. I had began to pray for others to speak words of encouragement. I began to look to others to be there for me. I had forgotten that when we look to others they disappoint, they fail us.

God does use others to speak words of truth and encouragement. We do need brothers and sisters around us. But I had forgotten that first I need to go to Him. I need to allow His word to fill me, revive me and comfort me.

He speaks to His children through His word. I don’t always memorize the word the way I should but the phrase God brought to mind was based on this verse in Psalms. “If Your law had not been my delight, Then I would have perished in my affliction.” (119:92)

If it wasn’t for the word of God I would perish. I would be lost. Even if I had a thousand friends speaking truth, encouraging me, loving me, if I do not have His word then I would perish in my affliction.

Where are you today my friend? Is your heart longing for encouragement? Are you feeling alone, isolated or abandoned? His word is your comfort. His word will revive you. May I encourage you to read through Psalms 119?

Go to His word, let it speak to you.

“This is my comfort in my affliction, That Your word has revived me.” (Psalms 119:50)

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Yet, You are Holy

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest. Yet You are holy… Psalms 22:1-3

holy

Life is hard. Death is all around us. Nations falling. Power and Greed rule the land.

Yet, You are Holy!

Marriages fail. Children abandoned, broken and murdered. Homelessness. Starvation.

Yet, You are Holy!

Dying Churches. Watered down gospel. False teachers preaching.

Yet, You are Holy!

Sickness. Suffering. Pain. Tears fall. Hearts broken. Sorrow overwhelms.

Yet, You are Holy!

“…O, You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted and You delivered them. To You they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and were not disappointed.” Psalms 22:3-5

We can find true joy when we realize that no matter what we face in this life the character of God remains constant. He is and will always be Holy, Trustworthy and will never disappoint.

Father may we cry out to you in trust. May You alone be trusted for our deliverance. You alone are Holy and will never disappoint. May we be reminded that no matter where we are today, no matter what the journey entails, that You are Holy.

A Longing Unsatisfied

unsatisfied_thumb.jpgI believe that there is a longing in every heart for a deep soul connection. A longing that often cries out to be filled.

We desire to connect with another person. To connect deeply. To be loved unconditionally. We desire to be accepted, valued, and complete.

Often when we get married we think that our spouse will fill that need, that longing to be apart of something bigger than ourselves. We marry thinking that every need, especially emotionally, will be met. We think that we no longer will be lonely or fill empty. We will have someone to share EVERYTHING with. We will have that one person who totally understands us.

Then comes reality. Our spouse cannot meet every need we have emotionally. Some will say that we need our girlfriends to meet our needs where our husbands can not. But again the reality is that I can have a good, healthy relationship with my husband, mother, sister or a friend but at some point in the relationship I will want more. At some point they will fail or disappoint me. Their love will never be enough to fully satisfy the longing. It’s impossible for any human relationship to fulfill that which was meant for God alone.

When we think others can fill the emptiness we set the relationship up for failure. To think your husband can or should fill your needs sets your marriage up to fail. God created each of us with a longing that can only be filled by Him. To expect anyone else to fill that longing will only bring disappoint in the end.

I believe marriages, and other relationships in our lives would be better, healthier and stronger if we would first go to God where we are completely satisfied. When we are in a relationship with Him the longing will be filled. Our relationship with our husband will not be enough if we have not allowed God to fill the longing in us first.

Once we are filled to overflowing by the Spirit of God we can then go to our husband without any thought of self. We are free then, and only then, to offer ourselves completely without any expectations to be filled by him because we are already filled to overflowing with Christ.

The beauty of living completely satisfied in Christ is that we no longer go to those we love in order to seek to be filled. We can however be free to give more fully of ourselves.

The only one  in this world that can fill the longing inside you is Jesus. It’s a relationship with Him, not our husbands that fully satisfy. Jesus says that He came to give you life, abundant life! (John 10:10) And in Colossians we are reminded that it is in Christ that we are complete. “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” (Col 2:9,10)

Oh dear one, you no longer have to live a life of emptiness or neglect. Jesus longs to fill you with Himself so that you will know joy, peace and abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Rom 15:13)

He waits for you. He longs to fill the emptiness of your soul.

Oh Father forgive me for the times I go to my husband to fill my needs when I should come to you. Even if my husband could fill all my needs it still wouldn’t fully satisfy apart from You. Jesus help me to live fully satisfied in your love. I want to be filled to overflowing with all of you so that I might not want from those I love but so that I can give of all I am to them. Help me to be a living sacrifice, help me to be an example of Your overflowing love. Amen

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”Romans 15:13