Why Momma is Angry

He stood there telling me he did not want to do what I had asked. He was three, I was angry. I took him by the arm yanked him toward me. He fell into the wall. I yelled. He cried. Then I cried. I then wrapped my arms around him, hugged him and told him how sorry I was. He wasn’t hurt. He was scared. I was scared.

ID-100104411.jpgMy anger had never gotten that bad. It wasn’t his fault. He was three. I cried to Jesus.

Several years later. Another child. He was four. He was angry. He stomped back to his room and slammed the door. He was a lot like me. He had learned what I had model.

It wasn’t his fault. I was the one who was angry. In fact I was angry a lot. It was always there, somewhere deep inside threatening to erupt. Most of the time I could control it. Most of the time it lie hidden just beneath the surface.

Once again I cried to Jesus.

I began counseling. I needed to understand. I didn’t want to be an angry momma. I loved my children deeply. My boys were my life. They were precious gifts. I wanted to be a good momma.

Here is what I learned. This is what took years to fully understand, come to grips with and heal.

My anger was not about them or my circumstances. It was a heart issue. My heart was yucky. There were things I had not dealt with. Things left unsaid. The past had been buried and needed to be dug up.

There were wounds that were oozing with infection. That infection had spread to the point that it could no longer be contained. I could just keep dealing with the oozing that came out but it would effectually become worse. I had to deal with what was causing the infection. I had to deal with the wound. I need to allow Jesus to go deep inside and cleanse the wound. It was deep and it had years to become rancid. It smelled. It was messy.

It did not matter to Jesus. Patiently, loving and with much grace He began to clean out the infection. It would take a long time to fully heal but the there would be growth. I would be less angry. I would understand that my anger wasn’t directed at anyone but the hurt the infection causes.

I had to deal with my issues. I had to take an honest look at what painful circumstances were causing my pain and showed itself in being anger. As I allowed God to work through these things I grew to handle my anger in better ways.

I still got angry, but I didn’t slam doors. I still got angry, but I didn’t “lose it.” Instead I chose to write, pray, remove myself until I calm down, write, and pray.

Momma do you get angry at your children? An anger that can be hard to control? Do you get angrier than is warranted? Then may I encourage you to talk to someone. A friend, pastor, counselor or your husband. Be willing to look inside to see if there are things you have not dealt with. Ask God to reveal the true state of your heart. Ask Him to reveal those things that may be causing the anger.

Then be willing to work hard through these things. Be willing to do it not only for your children but yourself.

Photo courtesy of  David Castillo Dominici, at www.freedigitalphotos.net

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5 Things to Remember Before You Fall Apart

It never fails. I am in the midst of a crisis, no matter how big or small and I find myself at wits end. I am emotional, can’t seem to make a decision, at least a good one. So I stand there crying, wondering where it all went wrong, why I am here again. How did I fall into believing lies again? Why do I feel like I am falling apart?

Recently UpdatedI am weak. I forget my weakness. I call a friend and she reminds me that I haven’t been sleeping, I’ve been in pain and my defenses are down.

She has had to remind me many times. I have forgotten all to easily. Too many times. But she is patient, she sees what I do not. She knows that eventually I will get it. There will come a day when I will be prepared before I am tempted to fall.

That day is today. I do understand better that when I am weak physically I will be open to attacks spiritually.  My enemy knows that when I am tired and in pain I am more vulnerable to his attacks.

Today I came across something written by Charles Stanley which is an excellent reminder. He uses the word H.A.L.T. but I also added an S. When we find ourselves about to lose control or we feel ill equipped to make a decision we need to remember to stop or “HALTS” and evaluate ourselves.

1) HUNGER – Am I hungry? Have I given my body proper nourishment? When can get cranky when we are hungry. And we we are hungry we are less likely to make good decisions or react in a good way.

Am I hungry spiritually? Have I been in the word consistently or am I starving myself of spiritual nourishment.

If I am hungry then I must eat. Eating something healthy is wise. If it’s spiritual hunger I need to run back to the word and read it. I need to drink deeply of His truth.

2) ANGER – Am I angry? Is there something I haven’t dealt with or someone? Anger can distort our judgment. Anger can also cause us to lash out or over react to our current circumstances.

If I am angry then I need to deal with it. I need to talk to someone about it, forgive or do whatever is necessary.

3) LONELY –  Am I lonely? Have I isolated myself? Do I have someone I could reach out to.

If I am lonely then I need to call a friend. I need to reach out and make new friends if I am in a season of not having many.

4) TIRED – Am I tired? Having I been getting less sleep? Sleep is essential for our bodies.  When we are tired we can find it harder to be nice. We can find it harder to think straight or make good choices.

IF I am tired then I need to be intentional about getting more sleep.

5) SICK – Am I sick? To I have a fever or a cold? Am I in pain or just overall feeling sick? When we are sick we often feel miserable and in that mindset we are not thinking clearly. Again, when sick, we often are less likely to be kind or patient with others.

When I am sick I need to take care of my body. I need to be aware that when I am not feeling well I may not act well.

So what can we do?

Most of us find ourselves in one or more of the above. We must remember that when we are tired, sick and hungry that it might not be the best times to try to make a major decision. When we are feeling lonely we must remember that we become more vulnerable to the lies of the enemy.

We must also be honest. Be honest with yourself and those around you. Share with them that you are tired and in a lot of pain and while you aren’t using it as an excuse you want them to understand.

We must pray. Admit to God where you are at. Ask for His help, His strength and His Spirit.

And finally we might want to delay any further decisions or actions until you address some of these things. You can deal with them later when you are better equipped to approach it with prayer, patience, and godly wisdom.

We can choose to not fall apart. We can choose to look at where we are physically, where we are spiritually and then take these things to the cross of Christ where we have unlimited access to His love, grace, strength and help.

Please hear me on this. If you are not in a good place spiritually or physically then it will effect you emotionally. It will effect your coping abilities and your decision making. You will be more likely to “fall apart”. But it does not have to be that way. You can choose differently.

Now that I understand how these things effect me I am better able to choose to rise above my emotions. When I am aware that I hurt and I am tired then I can be on guard and better prepared. I don’t have to fall apart! That my dear friend is freeing.

Sinning Against My Husband

ID-100122416Last week God allowed me to see that I have been responding to my husband in a way that doesn’t always show love or respect. I was reminded of a blog post I wrote last year about respect. At the end I had asked several questions. One being, “What about my attitude when speaking with him? Does my voice tones also show respect?”

My heart was grieved. I looked at my husband who I dearly love and felt such sorrow. A sorrow that leads to repentance. (2 Cor 7:10) He does not deserve my snarky attitude. He doesn’t deserve my bad day (or week). I mean it’s one thing to tell him I’m having a bad day, or feel bad. It’s something entirely different to take it out on him.

Tears of compassion welled up in my eyes. As I looked at him I began to really see him. Not just as my husband but also as a man who loves God. As a man who is my covenant partner, friend and brother in Christ. A man who has devoted his life to me, to provide for our family and raise our boys. A man who works very hard so that I can stay home. 

This man I married has not been prefect. But, he has always loved me. Always. Even in my moments of a disrespectful, awful, snarky attitude. He honors me, lifts me up and continues to love me. Do you know that there is hardly a day that goes by that he doesn’t tell me I am beautiful and he loves me? So how could I possibly be mean with a man like this?

It’s easy. I am a daughter of Eve. I have a sinful nature that wants to rise up and have my own way. I want to be in control. I want what I want when I want it!! No, it’s not pretty. In fact it’s rather ugly. It’s times like this that I really understand Paul in Rom 7:18 “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.”

At times I suppose it would be easy to just stop there and say “Oh well, it’s my sinful flesh, God’s working on it, so deal with it!” It grieves me when I here that excuse or attitude. Whether I hear it in my mind or hear it out of the mouth of believers.

My husband shouldn’t have to deal with it. Not because he loves me or is good to me. And not just because I shouldn’t treat him that way. He doesn’t have to deal with it because Jesus already dealt with it.

It’s times like this that I must return to the cross. I have sinned against my husband. I have sinned against God. So my snarky little attitude needs to take time to go back to the cross and preach the gospel!

What I mean by that is I need to remember that I am a sinner. I need a Savior. And at the cross “Christ died for our [my] sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, (1 Cor 15:2b-3)

At the cross Christ conquered death. He paid for my sin. I no longer am a slave to my flesh. Christ Jesus is living in me through His Spirit. Therefore, I no longer have to live according to what my flesh desires. Because of His righteousness I am able to live in righteousness, (with a right attitude). (Roman 8:10-20)

Don’t you see? I do not have to be disrespectful attitude toward my husband. When I am feeling bad, with a wrong attitude, I can go to the cross BEFORE I behave in an unbecoming way. I do not have to live in bondage to my flesh any longer. It doesn’t have to rule over me. I have been set free. (Rom 8:2)

So my snarky little self spent time at the foot of Jesus so that I could have my attitude adjusted! And you know what? It felt really good, and freeing as I allowed His Spirit to minister to my spirit with grace, mercy and love.

 

Note: If any husbands are reading this please know that the same truth can be applied to you toward your wife! Winking smile

 

 

*Photo of couple fighting By David Castillo Dominici,Stock Photo – image ID: 100122416